Random Tuesday Thoughts: I got some

1) I'm ready for a blog makeover. This was cute last year and it was better than what I had before but I'm over it. I need a fancy schmancy header, a tagline, a cartoon like picture of moi but much skinner. Any takers?

2) My daughter turns 7 tomorrow. S-E-V-E-N! I really can't even deal with the thought of this. We sat down together last night and looked at her baby pictures. She looks completely different now. I remember being pregnant with her. I remember her kicking the crap out of me with her knees. Funny how she still does that when we nap together. She's growing up and while I'm totally opposed to this, I can't seem to stop her.

3) I quit drinking. Friday January 22 was it. I had a bit too much fun involving Grey Goose, Cranberry and pictures on my Blackberry that are blackmail worthy. The liquor isn't my problem. It's the wine. Oh, my wine. My daily glass or two that over time has become three or four. I'd stop when I became either intoxicated or too sleepy to refill my glass. A few weeks ago I fell asleep on the sofa, watching 24 with a glass of wine in my hand. I didn't spill a drop because I'm talented like that. The next week came and I didn't have a bottle at the house. I began to lose my mind, because I didn't know how I would function without it. After I work all day, then pick up the kids and begin my real job...I'm fucking exhausted. Wine gets me through until bedtime. Wine chills me out. Wine makes me forget. Wine makes me happy. Or it did. Because I quit. I sure as hell didn't want to. Wine is was one of my best friends. When asked if I could just have one glass a night, I said no. I can't stop at one glass or two. I don't want to need it. So I'm done. Off the Pinot Grigio and Riesling. Now I'm detoxing which is literally and physically making me sick. I honestly didn't realize it was this bad.

4) I'm so unbelievably happy for Heather and Mike. The birth of Miss Annabel aka Annie is a wonderful start to 2010. She is absolutely gorgeous! I don't think I have seen such genuine smiles on their faces in a very long time. It is well deserved. Congratulations to the Spohr family. I wish I lived closer so I could hold that sweet baby girl.

5) Speaking of babies....my uterus has called and left an urgent voicemail. It's been inactive and wants back in the game. I've been jonesing (i have never ever ever used that word before but it's the only one that works) for a baby. Everyone around me is having babies. My Facebook and Twitter feed is full of little hands and feet. I see pregnant bellies and babies everywhere. They are calling to me. I want! Much harder for us lesbians to get knocked up. Plus my kids are 11 and almost 7. Do I really want to start over? Answer: Yeah, I kinda sorta do. Maybe.

Check out Keely and see what's Random in her world.

Haiti

I was all set to finish writing a post I began on Monday and hit publish. Doesn't seem as important now...

I just viewed a slideshow of pictures from The Washington Post, showing the aftermath of the 7.0 Earthquake that shook Haiti on Tuesday.

The images are graphic, gruesome, unbelievable and sad. So many wounded, so many children hurt and dead. As a mom, a hurt child always tugs at my heart and I picture my babies.

After viewing this slideshow, I was in tears. It's so easy to feel helpless and hopeless at times like this. I then clicked on another link that gave me hope. The Humanitarian response made the hairs stand up on my arm. Venezuela, Taiwan, France, England, China, the USA and more countries are making their way to Haiti. It makes me proud to be an American. Even more so proud to be alive.

The CEO of my current company just announced that they will match dollar for dollar any employees contribution to an approved 501 (c) (3) organization up to $500.00. Goosebumps!!

Please visit http://www.redcross.org/ to find out how you can help. Every dollar counts!

Say what?

I've been signing into my Blog all week, creating a new post and then nothing. I see the white box just waiting for my words to fill it in. So much I want to say, so much has happened since I last posted. A part of me doesn't have the energy. I know I can't write brief quick entries. I like detail. I need detail. I have a lot I need to write. I'm holding it all inside. But it's going to be l-o-n-g. You've been warned. I hope you stick with me and stick around. One day I'll get this regular blog posting thing down.

Okay now that that's out of the way I have a problem. It's self imposed I will admit. But, still a problem. I'm a single mom of two children (in case you're just finding my blog) and I work full time. When I come home I make dinner, unload and reload the dishwasher, usually tackle some laundry and the list goes on. I always say my real job starts once I get home. My kids are old enough to help out around the house. I don't ask make them do very much. Their dad started giving them allowance twice a month. I in turn added some chores like cleaning their room, cleaning their bathroom and putting their dishes in the dishwasher.

The Z-Man gives me shit ALL THE TIME when I ask him to do anything. The Princess is still of the age where she loves to help. Once I get home I'm tired. I just want stuff done and quickly. I usually end up shooing them away and tackling everything on my own. Then I get a major attitude and crack open the wine bottle.

My love and I had a serious talk because she's of the opinion the kids should be doing a lot more around the house. I agreed but also pointed out that I suck at consistency. I told her I would pick one or two things that I can have them do every day and build a habit. For me and for the kids.

Fast forward to this past Monday. We came home and got settled. I asked the kids to unload the dishwasher while I started dinner. A lot of moaning and bitching ensued but they did it. Fast! Tuesday, same deal. A bit less bitching and add in some deep sighs.

Then tonight, I told them to wash their hands and unload the dishwasher. The Z-Man threw a fit. The Princess started the job singing Jingle Bells. I was in the kitchen with them starting dinner. My son is still alive after this conversation:

Z-Man - I don't want to do this again.

Me - Too bad, so sad buddy. I can't cook dinner in a dirty kitchen.

Z - But we already did this yesterday.

M - Yes you are correct. It has to be done every day.

Z - Well I don't want to do this every day!

M - Me neither. I work all day then come home and have to cook dinner, clean, do laundry, pack lunches etc... The least you can do is help out the family and unload the dishwasher. When you and your sister do it together as a team, it gets done in under 5 minutes.

Z - Why do I have to do this? It's your YOUR job.

M - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND?!?!

Z - Well do I get paid for doing this?

M - Your dad gives you allowance whenever he sees you and you do nothing around the house to benefit our family. If you want the allowance, you do the chores. This is now one of them. EVERY DAY! (remember, I suck at the consistency thing so the chores I mentioned above don't always happen)

Z - Silence

Honestly, I wanted to smack him. I couldn't believe he made such a sexist remark. Am I raising a sexist pre-teen boy who thinks a woman should cook and clean for him. The answer seems to be yes! How do I change this? How do I make him grateful for what he has? How do I teach him to be humble, appreciative, helpful, learn empathy and sympathy? He is so into himself and in his head. Into his video games, and phone.

I'm failing him and while I'm angry he made that statement, I'm more angry at myself for letting it get this far. My eyes are open and my mind alert. How can I make this better?

Annoying Interruptions

Princess Patalie: Mom, guess what? Today at school.....

Me: Oh my gosh, guess what happened today at work. I was walking...

PP: MOM! Stop it. Ok, so guess what? Today at school, in Art class....

Me: Art. I was never good at art unless I could trace a picture....

PP: Mommy, come on I'm trying to tell you something.

Me: Ok baby girl go ahead.

PP: Today at school, in art....

Me: Ugh work today was awful

PP: MOOOOOOOOOM!

Me: What am I doing PP? What is the word for it?

PP: Annoying

Me: True, but what else?

PP: Butting

Me: Butting in yes but there's another word. It starts with an "I"

PP: Interrupting!

Me: That's right baby girl. Wasn't that annoying?

PP: Yes and it was rude.

Me: Now you know how I feel when I'm trying to talk and you interrupt me. I don't like it.

PP: Sorry mom.

20 minutes later.....

PP: Mom, I'm going to say something and you be annoying and interrupt me. That was fun! Let's play again.

Disclaimer: this is my first time mobile blogging. Please ignore spelling and grammatical errors. I'm typing fast as it happens on my Blackberry after 2 glasses of wine. This is my life.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

RTT: Because it's Tuesday...duh

1) When I went to Vegas back in May I bought back some souvenirs junk for my kids. My son constantly asks to borrow my nail clippers because he constantly has hang nail issues. Don't ask. So when I saw a pair with the Las Vegas sign on it, I bought them. Fast forward to a few days ago and I'm driving him to school. I see something shiny and familiar in the street. I peer closer and its the damn clippers! It has been raining so they were rusted and ruined. I can't remember exactly what I said to said to him. It probably went something like &*#$%^! I threw them in the trash. I won't let him borrow mine. He'll have to chew his hang nails off like the rest of the kids.

2) Rain rain go away. No really! Please leave. I don't want to hear about how we need the rain blah blah blah. I'm a girl with a Vitamin D deficiency. How in the hell am I supposed to get my daily dose of Vitamin D from the sun if its raining or cloudy every.single.day. Don't even get me started on my Seasonal Affective Disorder. If anyone wants to send me one of those light lamps, my mental health would be very thankful.

3) I had grand plans to walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes last night. It was going to feel great. I was proud of myself for making the decision (in my head) to exercise. Instead I drank 3 beers and made chocolate fudge brownies. I somehow made a wrong turn on the road to fitness. I want to be angry at myself. Beat myself up. Instead I'm starting over today. New day and another chance to make the right decisions. That my friends is progress.

Visit Keely the Master of Random and see what's on her mind.

Time Out

I'm sitting at Barnes & Noble. I've secured a small table next to an outlet to plug in my laptop. I haven't had internet access at home for a week. The first thing I wanted to do was play Farmville and Cafe World on Facebook. I logged in and the thought occured to me that I really didn't want to do this. The games are fun but they also drain my time. Time is something we can't get back once its gone.

I've decided that I'm putting myself in time out. I need a break. A break from Twitter, Facebook and the Interwebs. Not too say that I won't update my status from my Blackberry. I do realize I have an addiction to Social Media. I can't just go all cold turkey. I love my friends that live in my computer.

This past week has been rough me. I've found that I am spending entirely too much time involved in everyone's else life and not focusing my time and energy on MY family. I've felt defeated by the circumstances in my life right now. I'm a master in the art of avoidance. In avoiding all the negative stuff and turning my attention towards my online life...I'm missing an opportunity to make changes. There aren't enough fingers on my hands to count the number of positive changes I can make.

So I'm in time out. I'm going to do my best to stay away. To refocus my energy into things that are tangible. Instead of playing Farmville, I can play Uno with my kids. We can read books and do Mad Libs. In my avoidance of all the bullshit I've been avoiding my children. And that makes me unbelievably sad. I'm going to get my fat ass off the sofa and interact. In real life.

For Anissa

I haven't had the honor to meet Anissa Mayhew. I wish I had. When I think of Anissa I think of the most popular girl in school. She's smart, funny, pretty and everyone wants to be her friend. She's seems unreachable. Waaaay out of your league. That is until you run into her, she gives you a big hug and then grabs your boobs! That's my kinda girl and from all the stories I've read today it's right on!

Anissa suffered a stroke yesterday afternoon. She's a wife, momma to three beautiful children, friend, daughter, blogger. She's also a fighter. All of her friends online are fighting right beside her. We are uniting in prayer, positive thoughts and sending her all our love. We need you to get well Anissa and soon!

It's 8 days until Thanksgiving. In the spirit of the season, the season of giving, please consider making a donation to support the Mayhew family.




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860 Johnson Ferry Road 140-184
Atlanta, GA 30342