The Cocktail Cafe talks about Domestic Violence

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

"Domestic Violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior perpetrated by an intimate partner against another. It is an epidemic affecting individuals in every community, regardless of age, economic status, race, religion, nationality or educational background. Violence against women is often accompanied by emotionally abusive and controlling behavior, and thus is part of a systematic pattern of dominance and control. Domestic Violence results in physical injury, psychological trauma, and sometimes death. The consequences of domestic violence can cross generations and truly last a lifetime."

Last night I had the privilege of assisting my friend Rhea host her Blog Talk Radio show. If you don't know Rhea or The Cocktail Cafe you are missing out. Every Wednesday night, Rhea has a special guest(s) for each show and discusses relevant topics for mom's.

Last night the topic was Domestic Violence. What a timely topic considering the Chris Brown/Rihanna situation. While their situation is public for everyone to read, hear and speculate about because of their celebrity status, abuse happens EVERY DAY. I'm a survivor of Domestic Violence. I shared a little bit of my story on the show. It's something that's never far from my mind. I'm grateful and thankful every day that I was able to leave the situation. It wasn't easy and it took every ounce of strength and courage I had to do it, but I did.

The guests on the show included Heidi Day, the Founder of Chayil Inc, a not-for-profit organization based in Atlanta that provides Life Coaching and a Personal Developmental Program for women in transition, coming out of a domestic violence situation. It's an innovative approach to empowering women in all areas of their lives. It was a honor to have Heidi as our guest on the show.

Our second guest was Renee of Cutie Booty Cakes which I'm totally in love with. Renee shared her story as a survivor coming out on the other side and now married with an adorable son. Please check out her blog to read her story, her writing is incredible.

In our second half hour, Nene Leakes from The Real Housewives of Atlanta joined the show. Nene is the founder of The Twisted Hearts Foundation which aims to bring awareness of domestic violence. As Nene said during the show, domestic violence does not discriminate. Nene also talked briefly about her upcoming book and taping Season 2 of the show. Special thanks to Nene for taking the time out to speak with us.

If you missed the show, click play below to listen in.



Please also check out The Cocktail Cafe for a more in-depth recap of last nights show. We hope you'll join us next Wednesday when we discuss, "The Problem with Women is MEN" by Charles Orlando.

Finally, if you are in a situation where you are being abused or you know someone who is help is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

All I need is L♥VE

Valentine's Day or as I like to call it spend more money than you can afford to tell your loved one that you REALLY love him/her when if you are any kind of decent person, hopefully you tell them or show them every day.

Valentine's Day and the Christmas season are two times of the year when I get easily annoyed. I can't stand the advertising, the commercials, balloons bigger than my head at the grocery store, "specials" on roses, jewelry sales, 4 hour waits at restaurants and for me personally the ridiculous price of a hotel room the night of the 14th.

I'm in a relationship with someone I love deeply. We both know how much we love each other. We show each other in simple every day ways like taking out the trash, folding the laundry, unloading the dishwasher. Basic household every day stuff but it still has to get done. When you live with someone for awhile a routine sets in. You get set in your ways and in my experience, inevitably one person takes on more of the responsibility for these mundane, pain in the ass chores. Some days, nothing says I love you more than taking out the trash or running the vacuum.

If you're single or dating I know this sounds damn unromantic. Just wait...throw a few kids in the mix and seeing your partner wipe down the kitchen counter will get your panties in a knot.

I have a love/hate relationship with Valentine's Day. Sometimes I want the flowers (which will be dead in a week) the chocolates, the card, a pretty blue box. When I ask myself why I don't really have a good reason. Last year a co-worker received flowers, candy, a card, chocolate, and more chocolate and I was immediately jealous. I have never had anything delivered to me at work on V-day. I secretly want it all. I rack my brain asking myself WHY? The only answer I could come up with was to make everyone else jealous. Lame reason.

I think for me, Valentine's Day has turned into another one of those days that I tolerate for my kids. Yesterday I went to both classroom parties and enjoyed looking at all the loot my 6 year old daughter received. For kids, its about the cards, candy and sweet treats with their friends. It simple, sweet and innocent.

So here I am, Super Love day as my love calls it. The past few months I've been researching, planning, and thinking about what I can do. A big surprise, a quick getaway, a secret lovers weekend. I won't lie, girlfriend needs a break from work, the kids, life, this state! In all my research everything is just out of my budget. Valentine's Day would have to line up with a 3 day weekend wouldn't it? An extra day to get away! So frustrating because I want out but I'm at home.

Then I realize that the most important thing is that I have spent time with my children. I'm spending time with the one I love and we can just be together. I'm content sitting next to her on the sofa, watching TV, both of us on our laptops blogging, tweeting. Doing what we do. It turned out to be perfect, for us!

The expectations on this day are overwhelming, can lead to disappointment, and hurt feelings. The most important thing is LOVE. In the end when I realize I got caught up once again in this over commercialized and marketed 24 hours, I don't care about the flowers, the candy, the card, the gifts. I know I don't need those "things" to know that I'm loved. I want to be loved and appreciated, to have a shoulder to cry on, someone in my life to stand by my side and hold my hand through this crazy ride called life.

The best Valentine's Day gift is that I have exactly that!!

Wishing you a loved filled Valentine's Day.

Saving Lives 1 Pint At A Time

My company sponsors blood drives a few times a year with the American Red Cross. The last time I went to donate my iron was too low. They will test your iron levels twice and for some reason of which I have no clue, usually the second stick will be high enough to donate. So the last time, I was really bummed out that I couldn't donate. I had scheduled my appointment for early morning, didn't eat breakfast yet and was going to give up a pint of blood. Sounds like a remedy for immediately passing out. I had to wait until the next blood drive to try again.

Today was my lucky day. It took me two tries for the iron test but I passed. Answered my health questions which were all NO, of course I was going to get a tattoo a few months ago. If you've had a tattoo or ear piercing in the last 12 months you can not donate. I chickened out on the tattoo, so saving a few lives, here I come!

My co-worker and I always schedule our donation appointments for the same time so we can go together. By the time I finished both finger pricks for the iron and finished my health questionnaire she was already in the chair. lol I requested my right arm for the donation. After through inspection by two techs it was determined my left arm would work better. I personally have trouble with my veins. They are small and try to hide out to spare me the 1 second of pain it takes to draw blood. Usually docs draw from my right arm. I was a punk today, I had nothing! lol

The techs had to switch the chair position so I could use my left arm. After another 10 minutes of pure Chantel drama, I was ready to go. Honestly, giving blood and saving lives is not as dramatic as I make it out to be. In all the years I have given blood it takes *me* forever and a day. Everyone else sails right on through.

Ok, so here I am, my bag is full. Once the Red Cross tests my blood and I come back pure and clean and ready to save lives...off my blood goes...it's really THAT SIMPLE!

No seriously, it is...I tend to write long winded, I'm a chick and when I speak or write I have to include every minute detail, like the fact that you can pick your color arm bandage. I obviously picked purple!

I have a challenge for YOU, oh 7 followers of my newly started blog. DONATE BLOOD AND SAVE A LIFE! The actual donation is about 7-10 minutes. It takes longer to go through the health questions and record your vital signs etc...

Here are the top 10 reasons to give taken from the American Red Cross website

10 You will get free juice and cookies.
9 You will weigh less — one pint less when you leave than when you came in.
8 It's easy and convenient — it only takes about an hour and you can make the donation at a donor center, or at one of the many Red Cross mobile blood drives.
7 It's something you can spare — most people have blood to spare... yet, there is still not enough to go around.
6 Nobody can ask you to do any heavy lifting as long as you have the bandage on. You can wear it for as long as you like. It's your badge of honor.
5 You will walk a little taller afterwards — you will feel good about yourself.
4 You will be helping to ensure that blood is there when you or someone close to you may need it. Most people don't think they'll ever need blood, but many do.
3 It's something you can do on equal footing with the rich and famous — blood is something money can't buy. Only something one person can give to another.
2 You will be someone's hero — you may give a newborn, a child, a mother or a father, a brother, or a sister another chance at life. In fact, you may help save up to three lives with just one donation.
1 It's the right thing to do.

Today, besides saving up to three lives by donating 1 pint of my 10+ pints of blood I got:

1) A sturdy reusable shopping bag. Donate blood, save the environment, save a life
2) Free soda: Our donation canteen had coke, sprite, water or orange juice
3) A cute heart shaped sticker that says " Be nice to me, I gave blood today!" I have used this sticker to my advantage numerous times. hahaha
4) COOKIES! If you've never had Famous Amos Cookies before you are missing out on a sweet treat. I choose chocolate chip, but they also have Oatmeal Raisin or Pretzels

I don't know about you, but I'm a girl that LOVES free stuff. :)

So what do you say? Spare a pint, save a life? The Red Cross makes it very easy to donate. Just call 1-800-GIVELIFE or search for your local donation center here.

Still not convinced? Check out the top 10 reasons people don't give blood. Don't be a punk! It's quick, easy and worth every second of your time!

I'm counting on YOU! If you donate, let me know. I'll send you something special. :)

Looking Fine in '09

It’s exactly one month to the day when I embarked on “Looking Fine in 09.” I’ve been wanting to blog about my reasons for starting this journey and at the same time didn’t want too because then its on blast for the world to see. The accountability associated with that turned me off. To be honest, I didn’t want the pressure. What if I failed…again!?

Something is slowly changing in me and I don’t quite feel ready to share BUT every time I step out of my comfort zone, get out of my box, amazing things happen. Every time without fail. So here I go…EEK!

I never had weight problems until I had my son when I was 20. I'm 5'3 and have always been in the 120-125 range. I was a stick figure. Giving birth to an 8lb, 2 oz baby boy radically changed my body. After giving birth I still had an extra 20 lbs on me. I joined a gym, started eating healthier and after 4-5 months I was down to 130. I remember putting on my size 8 work pants and they were a bit baggy. Size 6 was still a big snug but I knew where I was heading so I went shopping.

Fast forward 5 years, I’m back up to about 160. I had my daughter. She was also 8lb, 2oz. I have no idea how I gave birth to two children the exact same weight and length. Guess I’m just special. lol Of course now I have even more weight to lose. I've blocked out the exact number but let's just say I was close to 180 lbs.

I joined the gym a handful of times, start off great, and never really change my eating habits, quit. Hire a personal trainer, she kicks my butt for a few months, never really change my eating, run out of money, quit. Anybody see a pattern here? I’m not completely clueless as to what the hell happened to me. Unhappy 8 year marriage, separation, reentering the work force etc... More details later on that drama.

Fast forward another 5 years (hmmm, I think I've just given away my age), I weigh myself. The number starts with a 2. A FREAKING 2!!!!! I was embarrassed, horrified, depressed, disgusted and angry at myself. So, of course, I eat. At the end of 2008 and having some medical issues, I realized I had to change. I know from my past failures what I’ve done wrong. I decided to try a different approach. Start slowly; implement small changes that I can stick with. You know “what” to do but you just don’t do it. This time I want to actually do the damn thing.

I realize I will never have the body I had before kids because certain body parts just aren't where they used to be.. lol and I know I will never have a model's haven't eaten in 3 weeks, rail thin body. What I want for myself is:

1) To quit smoking (I know, I know...horrible nasty habit! I quit over 10 yrs ago and started again 2 yrs. I say it's because of stress, leaving my ex...partly true.)

2) Be able to walk up stairs or from the garage into my building and not be out of breath

3) Lose weight so my lower back pain will go away.

4) Get active

5) Be able to play with my children and not get tired after a few minutes

6) Try new foods, learn healthier ways to cook

7) Not fold to peer pressure when it comes to eating

8) Cut down on drinking when I go out with friends

My short term goals are to lose 1-2 lbs per week. One of my long term goals is to wear a dress and feel comfortable! I have not worn a dress or shorts for that matter since before I had my son. My son will be 11 in August. So that is a main goal for me. I'm sick of suffocating in the summer in Capri’s. lol

One month in here’s what I’ve done so far. I joined the Weight Watchers at Work program. We have our weigh-ins and meetings at my job. It's very convenient plus they will reimburse me 80% of the cost once I complete the program. That's great motivation in itself. This is not my first experience with WW. I decided to give it another whirl b/c of the reimbursement and I have major accountability w/ co-workers that see me Monday-Friday.

As some of you know I finally got my long awaited Wii Fit. Kids and I opened it up and broke that sucker in last Thursday. That was the last I’d seen of it since tonight. I forced myself to spend 30 minutes doing all Aerobics. Thank God the Hula Hoop game is that section. But I did it. It was fun, I didn’t exactly sweat. I don’t like sweating... lol but I was breathing heavier so that’s good right?

Anyway, I’m a chatterbox. This was a long blog but the short of it is that I’m taking this very slowly! I have over 50 lbs to lose to reach my goal weight, healthy BMI, and all that good stuff. I’ve tried everything else, this has to work… Right?